Moonlighter
by Guns and Tonic
Summary: Kaoru is a college student who moonlights as a 'Jingo', a radio host. When she gets a mysterious call from a troubled man, they form a friendship. Maybe it can save them both from their disastrous lives, and they can both repent of their sins. AU
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ruroni Kenshin or any of the characters that are mentioned from the Ruroni Kenshin series._

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><p><strong>Moonlighter<strong>

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><p>"Konbanwa minna-san. Welcome to 95's Jingo's Session. Where we talk real issues in real time. I'm your host Jingo and the topic of the day is 'Loneliness: How to deal.' Before we start I'm going to play 'Endless Night' by HALCALI."<p>

The red light shut off.

"Jim, I'm going to the bathroom."

"Hurry, you're on in three."

"Yeah."

The room was dark, with only the soothing cyan lanterns that she preferred to have around as mood lights on in the booth. When she came back she sat at the long glass table and put her headset on.

Jim stood outside the clear sided glass and raised his hand signaling the countdown even though she could hear him in her head. "Three, Two, One. Go."

"Hey guy's I'm back. If you're just tuning in, this is Jingo's Session. The topic of today is 'Loneliness: How to deal.' We'll start by defining loneliness. Remember guys, you can call in on our lines at…"

The words came naturally; she had been here long enough that they were smooth and sultry coming from her lips. Once she'd been told that she was 'The Voice' of station 95. No doubt that she was flattered and rightfully so, because she had been there for seven months practicing the talent. So here she was, the mysterious 'Jingo'. Student at a local college by day, eccentric radio show host by night.

It wasn't a hard transition. In fact, she thought of it as rather freeing. At one time she had hated the radio station. She had hated the fact that she needed to have a job at this achy run down workhouse to keep herself in the financial clear; especially since then she had been working as an errand girl. But as her love for the little radio house grew, so did her status, and now here she was Jingo, 'The Voice' of Station 95. Of course the ratings had gone up after she had started participating in the 'Talk' segment of the daily program. And now her salary was just a bit higher and she was totally comfortable where she was.

She was happy. Kaoru Kamiya was happy.

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><p>"So we're winding down, one more caller and we're calling it a night folks."<p>

The phone line rang, and she pressed the pick up button.

"Hi caller, you're my last for today, what's on your mind?"

"I was wondering..." a soft and strangely still voice sounded in her headset.

"Yes…"

"I was wondering if I should make this leap."

"Pardon? I'm not sure I heard correctly."

His unerringly calm voice spoke again. It sounded as if he wasn't there at all she thought, even though she could hear his voice right in her head.

"I'm standing here, on the ledge on this bridge, and I wonder if I should make this jump."

Kaoru quickly signaled her cue man away when he pointed to his watch behind the glass. "N-no… no. Don't do that." She saw a glass wall, a falling body in her mind's eye.

"Why?" It was all he said and there was silence.

Her heart rate spiked and she all but shout into the mic. "Wait. Wait. I-I can't… I can't… "

He chuckled, though it sounded forced and she could hear the harsh blowing of the wind in the background. The cruelly melodious sound of moving water.

"It's ok. I don't expect that anyone would know how to answer such a question. After all, you don't even know me, how could you understand?" His voice was quiet in the way voices were. It had an almost raspy quality to it.

"No. Wait-I… I… you shouldn't do it because… because you have an opportunity here. Yes. An opportunity." She steadied her breathing. Here she was not weak, fragile, troubled Kaoru. She was Jingo, self-assured, confident, sassy night time hostess. She could save a life without panicking, without her lungs closing; she could face death without her heart doing back flips and without nausea assailing her.

"I can't say what someone else would think but I…I think that… I think that the moment you consider ending your life, that you have started a new one. You have the opportunity to fix the things that cause your sadness. I know that some people find that some things are worse than death, but if you plan to leave all of it behind in death, why not do the same in life? Make yourself happy. Be someone that you weren't before. Why waste the life that you can do so much with."

She sighed. It didn't feel as if she were convincing him.

"I don't know, I guess… you should live your life not only for yourself, but for others. The ones that you could meet not now, but in the future; those who will be affected by your loss of life later on. Those who you would not have the chance to make smile later on."

There was a long silence before he spoke again in that soft voice of his. "…How can I make a difference when all I have caused is destruction to the lives of those that I know? How can I do anything? I am not innocent. I do not bring happiness; I bring sorrow to those I know, to those I care for,"

Kaoru looked over at Jim, watched him frown, watched as the lines on his brow creased. Her reflection shone back at her in the cool light of the booth. Could she do this?

"I can only tell you to try to repent for your wrongs. It is a process that we all go through, some just don't know it. Continuous cleansing for our wrongs is the only way that we can live with ourselves from day to day. We all repent in some way. Some in big ways, using their money, things that society deems as great, but it is only to make us feel better when you come down to it. There is nothing wrong with it; nothing wrong with helping others for whatever motive, but in the end, it is only because we feel guilt for the things that make us different, things that we may not have even had anything to do with. We feel guilt for having more, for living better, for being born who we are, what we are."

There was silence.

"Hello? Are you still there?"

"You are very wise Jingo-dono. How could it be that I find such an answer where I thought there would be none at all?"

She shook her head at the new formality. "I know some don't believe, but… I believe that Kami has purposed everything in this world, even the things that we think that we cannot stand."

He chuckled and she could hear the sadness in its depths. "The forest here is beautiful." He looked around for a moment, taking it in. Then he closed his eyes and let his head fall back with the wind. "You must see it someday Jingo-dono. The river, smooth, silver like the moon."

"Maybe I will." She looked on as Jim hit his watch again, signaling that she was over clock by ten minutes. Hana would be angry for the delay no doubt. It wouldn't matter to her if she had saved someone's life or not. Maybe repentance was still out of the reach of some.

"I have to go, but I would like you to call a helpline." She rattled off the number. "I'm sure you could find someone to help you there, but they can only confirm your worth." She smiled. "I believe in you Mr…"

"My name is… its Bob." He chuckled again and this time so did she.

"Well BOB, maybe… maybe Kami will have us meet someday. So I can make you smile."

"That would be nice Jingo-dono. Is that the name of your new life?"

"Yes, in some ways it is." Her smile widened. "Goodnight Bob."

"Oyasumi-nasai Jingo-dono. Thank you for saving me. Boku no tenshi."

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><p>"Hello?" She closed her apartment door. "Simon?" The blow came before she saw it and she slammed into the kitchen table.<p>

"It's Saturday night, where were ya'?"

Her head spun, a kitchen chair loomed above her head dancing to the screaming noise in her head. "Sim…Simon.."

"Where were ya?" His mouth hovered over hers as he straddled her and grabbed her chin tightly. She could smell the familiar stink of alcohol on his breath. "You were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago."

"Simon I… I…I had to go on a last minute run. One of the producers sent me... sent me to get him…"

SLAP

"You sleeping around on me then?"

Kaoru pulled at his hands. "No… No Simon…" She started to cry. "Iie Simon. Onegai, onegai! I was only getting him some coffee from the Starbucks! Onegai!"

"You're a lying whore. I should of listened to me da when he told me so."

"Onegai Simon! Itai!"

"Oh it hurts? Well I'll show ya what hurts." He pulled at the buckle on his pants and yanked his trousers down. The sweaty red hair on his head glistened in the kitchen light. "While you're out partying and having a wee little time, you think that you can come in here and fool me? Well I can have a wee time too ya sassy-mouthed whore."

He pushed aside the underwear she wore under her skirt, shoved himself into her body; her scream was shrill and piercing. "Iie. Iie!"

His hand went around her throat and he squeezed, taking glory in the way she weezed. "Keep quiet! Quiet I said!" He moved it to cover her mouth as he braced himself with the other and thrust harder as he strained towards the ceiling with his chest.

Eventually all she could stand to do anymore was stare at the ceiling as her silent tears fell. What did she do to cause this? How had she ended up here? Simon had seemed like such a great person, the buff but cute Irishman that sat in the back of one her business classes. Quiet, slightly possessive but only the amount that any girl wanted her man to be right? The ceiling was peeling again. She should have asked Keiko to come over and help her paint. When would she get that done? It would take her forever to find that same colour paint.

She felt his body go slack over hers. He had passed out. It had never been this bad before she thought as she dragged herself from out under him, shoving him onto his back and straining to keep herself steady while she stood. It had never been this bad for him, or for her. No, she could never tell him that she was a host. One of his many talents was extreme jealousy. He wouldn't be able to accept her job. He would try to make her quit, and he was oh so much stronger than her, so much stronger.

She stumbled into the bathroom and switched the radio on, turned it to blast on high and listened to the American station that she had found a few weeks back.

_Things are getting out of control_

_Feels like I'm running out of soul _

_You're getting heavy to hold _

_Think I'll be letting you go _

_Think I'll be letting you go._

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><p>Translations:<p>

Oyasumi-nasai – Good night

Boku no tenshi – My Angel

Itai – Ouch, it hurts

Iie – No

Onegai - Please

There it is guys. The first Chapter of Moonlighter. I'm sorry about TGPS, I really think that I may not be able to finish. It was too disorganized and it was really stressing me out trying to finish it when the plot isn't solid at all. I'm very sorry, but thank you for reading this! I hope you read and review!

Additional disclaimers – Letting go is a song by Lupe Fiasco and Endless night is a HALCALI work of art, I own neither, they are just mood music, it would be cool if you listened to it while reading this chapter maybe.

"_Remember reviews keep them authors from doing stupid things like… eating chocolate covered pickles." – anonymous_

_G&T_


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ruroni Kenshin or any of the characters that are mentioned from the Ruroni Kenshin series._

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><p><strong>Moonlighter<strong>

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><p>"Konbanwa minna-san. Welcome to 95's Jingo's Session; where we talk 'Real Issues in Real Time'. I'm your host Jingo and the topic of the day is 'Love: Do you really love your significant other?' As always, before I start, I'm going to play my song of the day. Today I'm playing a song called 'My Plants are Dead' by Blonde Redhead."<p>

The red light shut off.

"Jim, I'm going to the bathroom."

"Yeah. Hurry it up kid. You should probably stop drinking all that water before you come on set."

She laughed. "Yeah, I probably should."

"You got less than four. Get a move on!"

By the time she was back in the booth Jim had started the countdown. Three, Two, One.

"Hey guys. If you're just tuning in, this is 95's Jingo session and I'm your host, Jingo! Today's topic is 'Love: Do you really love your significant other?' To start, maybe we can get some grasp of what we really think love is. I'll be taking calls starting now. Remember guys, stay on topic and give me some great talk!"

The line rang and she pressed the pick up button.

"Konbanwa, you're my first caller. What's your definition of love?"

Kaoru let go and did what she did best. If she let go, she could forget what had happened only two days ago. She could forget what had happened yesterday. All she had to do was stare at the light reflected in the glass and listen.

"Hello? Caller? Hello, are you there?"

"Yes." A familiar soft voice flowed into her headset.

"Ok. Do you have a definition for love?"

She heard him chuckle. "Jingo-dono, do you believe in love?"

Caught off guard, she coughed. "I… I… don't know anymore. I mean… some days… some days I do, but others, others I fight to believe in anything really." She looked down at the table and cleared her throat. "So… umm…do you? Believe in love that is."

"I believe in fate; that fate has a hand in what we feel by dictating circumstances. I believe in the choice to accept that fate, or to fight against it; to forget fate wholly, to ignore it and to accept the consequences."

"So, you don't believe in love?"

"In a certain type of love Jingo-dono."

She smiled for a second, finally placing his voice. "Bob."

"Hai Jingo-dono."

"So what type of love DO you believe in then 'Bob'?"

"Love as a choice."

"Explain."

"You decide what you invest in, do you not?"

"Yes, I guess."

"Is it not the same for 'who'?"

"Aa. I see."

"Yes." For a while there was a silence. "Someday I would like to thank you Jingo-dono."

"That isn't necessary." Her voice quieted and her eyes fell she ran her hand over the base of her mic. "I don't deserve any medals here. It was you who made the choice. Don't feel like you owe me anything Bob."

"You know Jingo-dono, fate has a strange way of showing its hand. You never know what could come of the choices you make. In any case I sent you a letter; it should be with your secretary."

Jim hit his watch behind the glass. "Five more minutes Kaoru."

She shook her head. "Well I'll be sure to check with her then. Thank you for calling Bob."

"Thank you Jingo-dono. I hope to speak with you again, sometime soon."

"Me too Bob." She was surprised by the honesty that came out in her voice. "Ja."

"Konbanwa Jingo-dono."

With that she hung up. After calling off the name of the last song, she said her byes and switched off her speaker.

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><p>Kaoru switched on the light as she entered her apartment and was shocked to feel the stuttering in her chest, the fear as she came into view of the small kitchen. The little table was cast off to the side. One of the legs had cracked and now the table was lopsided, ready to break at that moment when it was most inconvenient.<p>

She swore. Her heart was beating at miles per second. Even though she had broken up with him, had pleaded with him never to come back, never to speak to her again, she still expected Simon to be right there in the kitchen sitting at the little broken table; in the living room sitting in the old used green couch that she had bought from that garage sale a few months ago. She was afraid he'd be here after all she'd said to him, acting like all was normal, like it was just the normal night visit he made to make sure she came home safe and that they could spend a few minutes together since their schedules had become so full.

He hadn't given her the extra apartment key back she remembered. Yesterday when she had broken it off with him, she had been so afraid, so distraught that she could only think to tell him as fast as she could and then walk… no - run - away.

She had run until she could no more in the heels that she had worn to go the Catholic Church that he had made her attend with him. The one where he had cried and asked for forgiveness, first from the priest, and then from her. He had laid his head in her lap and wept. She had tried not to be overwhelmed, tried not to be repulsed by his touch, but in the end she had only ended up pushing him off of her and walking out of the church.

She couldn't fall for it this time, not after she had fell for his promises before. It had never been this serious, but… he had been controlling. Telling her what to do, getting angry when she didn't. He had hit her once before this. 'Only once' she had thought at the time, but she should have seen this coming; should have seen his behavior escalating. But because he was a like soul, kindred in their problems, she hadn't. She had only seen someone who was just as hurt as she; just as needy, feeling the same losses. First family and then control of the way their hurt was acting out in their lives. He didn't mean it, it was his hurt speaking.

But after feeling it right there as they sat in that church, feeling that right now, if ever, it would not get better for him, she suddenly couldn't do it anymore. He was getting worse; drinking, fighting, hurting so much that it had torn at her. But worse was what he had done to her. She couldn't forgive him, no matter his handicaps, no matter that he had meant what he said, because in truth, he couldn't control himself. He couldn't control himself and she couldn't control her fear of him. It was overpowering and it was wrong. She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't take what it added on to her already unhealthy dose of paranoia and fear; especially her fear of intimacy and trust.

She had had sex before, her virginity hadn't been the problem. What had been the problem was the memory of those experiences, or rather that one experience. That one horrible experience. That was what had frightened her more than anything.

That was the deal breaker she thought as she put her scarf over the hooks of the little wooden hat rack. She winced as she shrugged out of her overcoat and went into the bathroom, raised her shirt and looked at the deep purple bruise that was still smeared across the left side of her abdomen. Today she had had to explain away the bruise smudged across her cheekbone to one of her professors. She had been so embarrassed. She never wanted a repeat of that. She couldn't be so stupid again, but even knowing that it was justified, knowing that she had made the right decision in separating herself from Simon… she was hurt. It hurt; not being without him, but being alone.

Kaoru stepped into the shower and let the cold sprays abuse her body. She then sat under the harsh mist and cried.

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><p>The next day as she went into work she wondered at how she hadn't seen Simon in class. Not that he had been to class much the past weeks anyway. Recently he had been hanging out with some of the strangest people she had ever met. She'd been introduced to some of them of course. She was his girlfriend or rather had been. In any case, they were a bad influence. Aggressive, rude and downright pigs. They openly surveyed her like she was a piece of meat and Simon did nothing. Needless to say, they'd had a fight that night. That had been the first time that he had hit her.<p>

Shaking the thoughts from her head she stared confusedly at the lopsided smile that Gina the secretary had given her.

"Yes?"

Gina held out one slim hand. Her nails were painted pink today to match some accessory that Kaoru was sure was there, but she didn't know exactly where. And in those hands she noticed finally, was a thin envelope that had the words 'To: Jingo-san From: BOB' and there was a little phrase under it – 'Sometimes fate can be very persuasive.'

It was the letter that Bob had said that he'd sent for her.

She took it from Gina and snatched the letter opener from her desk, swiping under the letter's flap quickly and gingerly pulling the folded piece of paper out of its white packaging.

'_I_ _would really love to meet you Jingo-san. I know that this may be very strange to you, but I feel that I owe you my life. I would like to have tea with you. I want to say thank you to you in person. Please feel free to call me to set up the arrangements. My number is…'_

His number was at the bottom written in big print. Kaoru smiled.

"Anyone special?"

Kaoru heard the mischief in Gina's voice and just shook her head. "Will you ever be able to mind your own business babaa?"

Gina snorted and returned to what she was doing; nose high in the air at that.

Kaoru rushed to the little office that she used before and after she went on air. She didn't know how to feel, how to act. She only knew that this man exuded pain like it was beating through his veins along with his blood. And _that_ she knew, was what was causing her to be attracted to him, his situation. She shook her head resigned. Was she forever going to be the most destructive thing in her own life? She sighed and picked up the phone quickly dialing the number before she lost the gall to do what she was doing.

After three rings the phone picked up. "Hello Himura, Kenshin speaking."

Her breath stopped. This was him, this was Bob. "Hello." She whispered. "It's me, Jingo."

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><p>Japanese:<p>

Ja – Bye

Babaa – Old woman

Thanks guys for waiting for so long. Sigh, I just came back from a 6 week internship and believe me when I say I had absolutely no time to work on this, Even as much as I did. And I really really wanted to. But anyway, I'm here and im back! Love you guys! Review PLEASE! It's makes me so happy and encourages me so much when you guys review! SO go ahead tell me what ya think!

Love ya,

G&T


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ruroni Kenshin or any of the characters that are mentioned from the Ruroni Kenshin series._

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><p><strong>Moonlighter<strong>

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><p>"Konbanwa minna-san. Welcome to 95's Jingo's Session; where we talk 'Real Issues in Real Time'. I'm your host Jingo and the topic of the day is 'Health: You are What You Eat.' Today we have a guest. His name is Dr. Yamamoto. Before I start, I'm going to play my song of the day, a song called 'La Verdolaga' ' by Pacha Massive."<p>

Kaoru looked outside the booth to where the doctor spoke with her board operator. She walked out and waved. "Jim..."

"Yeah. I got you."

Nodding her head, she continued on to the bathroom. When the door was securely locked behind her, Kaoru turned on the faucet and splashed the cold water onto her face. She looked up at her reflection in the small bathroom mirror and recited the words as she had every day before she started the show. "I am Jingo. I am 'The Voice' of Station 95. I am confident, I am intelligent, and I have the capacity to help those who need me." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I can do this. I Can Do This."

She turned around and flushed the toilet behind her. After splashing her face one more time and drying it with a towel, she left the bathroom. No one knew about her ritual, every morning, she would walk to the small single bathroom on the right wing of the station's second floor. Every morning she would recite the same words, her mantra, and take deep breaths to calm herself. Outside that room, she was always the ever composed Jingo, 'The Voice' of Station 95. Inside of it, she was herself, Kaoru; weak and unsure and broken.

"Kaoru!"

Startled she spun. "Ye…" It was Hana.

The buxom blonde just stared at her and smirked. "I just wanted to know how things were going between you and that delicious piece of man meat." Her dark eyes gleamed. They held a shine that always meant trouble, Kaoru didn't doubt for a second that she was up to something.

"Uh… you must mean Simon." She winced. "Well, we broke up so… Um…" She turned her body slightly away to show her need to leave. "I… I have to go."

Hana nodded her head and waved Kaoru away. "Sure. We must talk about it sometime. I have to find out how 'that' happened." She said smiling despite the bite of sarcasm flowing from her remark.

Kaoru shook her head and kept walking. She must have talked to Simon, how else would she have known to ask? Having Hana speak to her was nothing short of disconcerting, because Hana never spoke to her unless she had to, or unless she was plotting something.

Not only was she sure that Hana was out to get her for taking 'her spotlight' – Hana had previously held the slot that Kaoru now held on the station - but she was also sure that whatever Hana was plotting was going to be very unpleasant, and she couldn't stop it. Hana just had a way. She was manipulative and conniving, but she was also smart; very smart.

* * *

><p>"So Yamamoto-sama, you're saying that eating a diet that consists mainly of fruit and vegetables is okay?"<p>

"Hai. Now not to forget that our bodies need the other nutrients that we gain from proteins and other food groups, but even those can be replaced with vitamins and other healthy options like beans, and other natural substitutes."

"Hmmm. Something to think about guys." She smiled at the doctor. "Now I know you have questions so I'm going to go ahead and open the phone lines. Remember, your questions must be related to the topic, no explicit language, and as always courtesy is a must."

Kaoru pulled her finger off of the mic. Her gaze wondered to where Jim stood in his own booth a few feet away, and then to Hana, who stood next to him laughing. Jim made no effort to hide his dislike for Hana usually but there he was smiling and having actual conversation with her. 'Wha…'

Startled she looked over to the doctor. His hand rested lightly on hers and his gaze pointed to the phone line that rang shrilly to her right.

'Thank you.' She mouthed and picked up the call coming in on line one.

"Hi, you're my first caller…"

"Kaoru?"

"Excuse me?"

"Kaoru? Look I know it's you. I need to talk to ya…

"Um… I'm sorry sir! This, you're… this is a live show, I'm sure you just have the wrong number."

"Look Kaoru, I made an arse outta meself. I'm sorry, I really am."

"I'm sorry sir, you have the wrong number." She hung up and put her hand to her forehead. "I'm sorry Yamamoto-sama." Her heart pounded fiercely in her chest. "I…"

His dark eyes fell on hers. "It's fine child. Are you okay?" He put his hand over hers in concern. Her eyes were wide with fear.

"Yeah…Yes." She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. "I'm okay." She sighed and looked up at him. "I'm fine." She pulled her hand away, answered another line and opened the mic. In that smooth whisky voice she said "Hi, you're on the air…"

* * *

><p>It had really been a long day. Kaoru stumbled out of the station. It was dark and only a few cars were left in the small lot. She sighed as she leaned against the old green fiat 126 that had been hers for the last few years. She had to go meet the Himura guy tonight.<p>

It wasn't that she didn't want to meet him, it was just that not only had she just found the time to be nervous with everything going on: Simon, her exams, prepping for the show with Doctor Yamamoto, and running into Hana, but she also didn't think she could take being vulnerable tonight.

In the short conversation that she had had with 'Bob' yesterday, words like 'talk' and 'get to know' had been thrown around. She hadn't 'talked' to anyone for years now, and the prospect of her having deep conversation with anyone as 'herself' and not 'Jingo' frightened her.

She pushed herself up and opened her door, having made the decision that she would try to keep it as impersonal as she could. Besides, he would probably be some awkward geek whom she wouldn't really feel the need to converse with any way. She would say a few words, have tea with him – maybe, and then she would leave. No harm done.

As she drove she tried to relax. "What's on the radio?" she whispered to herself. She skipped Station 95 because she knew Hana would be on, and she'd had enough of her today to last all month. She stopped when she heard one of her favourite songs playing.

_There on the wall in the bedroom creeping_

_I see a wasp with her wings outstretched._

As the various instruments strummed in, she closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. It was strange, but this song always helped her to calm down. She smiled as the horns started.

_We were in love, we were in love_

_Palisades! Palisades!_

_I can wait, I can wait!_

* * *

><p>As she got out of her car and walked to the tea house she felt her anxiety come back.<p>

"Konnichiwa." The hostess gave a short bow. "How many?"

"Um…" Kaoru looked around and immediately felt under dressed. Why had she told him that any tea house was fine? "I'm here with Himura-san…"

When her host gave her a once over and a curious glance she stiffened and her anxiety doubled. "This way please."

Kaoru looked down at her oversized grey sweatshirt, cuffed jeans and sneakers and then to the elegant kimono that her hostess was wearing and she sighed. Tonight was already off to a bad start.

She followed the hostess over the dark wooden floor to another sitting area. It was a smaller one, but it definitely made up for that in style and stature. Bamboo plants sat in flame red pots in the corners. At the center of the room was a large iron square. On it there were five pots. The man whom she guessed was the tea-maker sat with the arms of his gi tied back as he watched over his brew. Four women in extravagant kimonos stood, one to each side of the room. There were three tables, all of them of medium to large size in the same dark wood that the floors were made of. At one of them sat a man whom she was sure that she would recognize once she saw him on the news again speaking in the way that politicians do. Next to him was another man, and next to him, a woman whom she assumed was his wife. They were no doubt well off.

What the hell was she doing here? She only hoped he hadn't spent more than he could afford to bring her here. If he had, she would scold him and then try to see if there was any way that she could cancel this event with the hostess. Kaoru continued to follow the tall brunette in front of her to the table farthest back in the room.

When the hostess bowed away in front of her and left her to sit Kaoru could only stare in shock.

"Himura-san?"

* * *

><p>Kenshin smiled. She looked very troubled. "Hai. Jingo-dono."<p>

She blushed as she took her seat. "Iie." She looked away for a second and then her hand came up and she held it palm down in the air above the table. When he took it she gave a soft shake and spoke in a voice that he was sure was owned by an angel. It was gentle, strong and deep with a feminine promise that he was sure she didn't know of herself. "My name is Kaoru. Kamiya Kaoru."

He nodded his head slightly.

She looked around and brought her hand up to scratch the back of her neck, but stopped midway, as if she remembered something and put it back down swiftly. "So… I guess…we should probably get some tea..?"

He nodded again and looked to one of the women standing against the wall. Immediately she walked over. "Do you know what kind of tea that you want Kamiya-dono?" He looked at her wide blue eyes and silently berated himself. He should have known better. Of course she would be uncomfortable here. Who wasn't? Even he was a little unsettled when he visited. But there was nothing that he could do about it right now. It was to keep her safe.

She blushed again. "Please. Don't. Just call me Kaoru. It is embarrassing to be called such a thing." This time she did bring her hand up to her neck. For a moment she looked at the small menu that was engraved into a thin iron tablet.

He took that moment to study her. She was small, about 5'4. She looked native except for the fact that her eyes were blue and they were just a little wider than was usual. Her dark hair was thrown into a messy bun that he found quite charming even as little pieces of hair fell forward into her eyes.

She sighed and looked up at him helplessly. Again her hand found its way to her neck. "Ano… gomen demo, I do not know which tea to try. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Aa." He smiled. "The Gyokuro is good."

"It's… It's a little expensive ne?"

"No. Anything that you want is fine." He watched as she pulled at the strings at the front of her sweatshirt, and then tried to get her to look him in the eyes. When she didn't he grabbed her hand and held it lightly between his palms. "I'm sorry Kaoru-dono. I should've known that this would have been awkward. I didn't mean to make you come here to feel uncomfortable. You don't have to stay."

She looked up at him and he watched as an awareness came over her; as if she had reexamined him and found something that she agreed with. She spoke softly, hesitant, but confident in her purpose. "I'm not leaving. And I'm sorry for making you think that. I admit, I am a bit nervous. I haven't been in a place like this before, but I do want to stay though." She smiled.

"Okay." He looked toward the waitress. "Gyokuro."

"Hai. Isshun." She bowed and walked over to where the old man sat at the center of the room.

He felt the slight tug in his hands and realized that he still held on to her. "Oh… Gomen." He chuckled and pushed the hair out of his eyes nervously

"So... I… um… how are you feeling?"

Kenshin looked down at the table. "Well… I'm not proud of what I almost did. You see Kaoru-dono, I am not afraid of death. I…I was being cowardly. I am ashamed." He sat back as the waitress put their cups on the table and poured their tea. When she left he continued. "I hope for repentance." He smiled at her sadly. "I doubt that redemption is an option for me, but I can strive towards it."

She stared at him. He was really hard on himself she thought. When she had first come in, she had been speechless. Of course he was handsome, especially in the slate gray business suit that he was wearing. He had a slim angular face, elegant nose, soft looking lips, but what was surprising was the shocking splash of red hair that fell to the middle of his back and his eyes that were a vibrant... violet colour? She had never met a man so… so beautiful. He was striking, and yet still everything about him was masculine. The strong neck, broad shoulders, sturdy build. But he was also so… normal.

He had esteem problems. As someone who had them herself she noticed it. What was it with her and red heads anyway? Was she just begging for problems? "Look Himura…" Her voice softened. "Whatever you've done, I'm sure that you can be forgiven. You can be a counter-balance; you can make up for it." She tried to smile. "Everyone's done bad things in their lives. Everyone. I'm definitely included in that." Kaoru pushed a stray hair out of her face and stared into the teacup in front of her. "I have thought about suicide. Many, many times. In fact there are times when I just lay there and hope I die somehow." She looked at him again. "Sometimes I'm so exhausted, so tired of thinking, remembering, that I just lay there. And I feel like I'm in this black hole, you know? Like nothing exists but me and my pain."

He was silent.

"There has to be something more right?" Her fingers strummed on the handle of the cup - a sign of her stress. "We can't be alone down here. Who would make us suffer so much without reason? We have to keep going on. Survive. The world is full of so many beautiful things, people. We have to look forward to those good things, to happiness, to joy. And we have to help each other reach those things." Her voice broke. "I mean, why else would we be on this forsaken planet right?" She swallowed hard and looked up at the ceiling, biting her lip as tears tried to form without her permission.

He grabbed her hand and held it firmly in his own, watching as she swiped a finger at the corners of her eyes and then tiled her face back down to give him a watery smile. "Sorry. It's been a long day."

"No. You are right. Survival is the way ne?" He smiled.

"Hai." She nodded.

"Now drink your Gyokuro. I hope that you like it. Maybe it can be one of those good things to look forward to."

For a second she pouted at the tea, "Yes. Something that I look forward to after I pay all my bills and want to eat nothing but hot cereal for a while." and he couldn't help but chuckle.

"You are a strong woman, that you are Kaoru-dono."

Her cheeks flushed and she swatted at his hand. "It's Kaoru I said. And I'm only as brave as I need to be to live."

"Then I have a lot to live up to ne?"

She smiled. "You know what Himura, I think we could be good friends."

He chuckled again. "Yes Kaoru. I believe we can. One thing though…"

"What's that?"

"Please, call me Kenshin."

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><p>Japanese:<p>

Hai, Aa – Yes

Iie – No

Gomen – Sorry

Demo - but

Ano – umm

Ne – A form of affirmative questioning. For example: right? isn't it?

Hai. Isshun – Yes. One moment please

Gyokuro – A type of Japanese tea.

-dono – shows deep reverence. Example: Lady, Miss… etc.

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><p>Hi guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's been a rough few weeks which is why I haven't updated in a while. Well you know what to do! Read and Review! Your reviews encourage me to write more.<p>

Thanks in advance guys! R&R for more!

Love you guys,

G&T


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ruroni Kenshin or any of the characters that are mentioned from the Ruroni Kenshin series._

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><p><strong>Moonlighter<strong>

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><p>"<em>What was so important that you had to do this!"<em>

She remembered the taste of it. The smell; sweat, panting breath, the harsh feel of dirty polyester that seemed to add insult to injury. Yes, it had been a long time since Kaoru had had this dream. A long time since she thought about her past, and even longer since she had truly ever been this afraid.

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><p>Simon had called the station a few more times in the past weeks, but it seemed that he had finally given up. She was happy for that, because now she hoped that they both could move on.<p>

Kaoru shut the door of her car and walked into what were now familiar grounds for her. As the hostess ushered her around the back she smiled at the now endearing face of the man who had quickly become one of the closest friends that she had had in a while.

"Hi."

"Hello Kaoru, and how are you doing today?"

She sat in the chair that he had pulled out for her, "I'm okay." and watched as he took his own seat. "What about you? How are you doing?"

"I'm fine Kaoru." He stared for a moment. "I don't mean to sound rude Kaoru-chan, but you do look a bit tired today. Are you sure that you are alright?"

Kaoru tried to smile, but decided it wouldn't fool him and sighed instead. "Don't worry. I just haven't been getting much sleep lately."

"Hmm."

"I've just been having some long nights." She tried to assure him. "Working part-time and going to college does have its drawbacks." She watched him nod and pick up his teacup to sip at what was now their habitual fare – Gyokuro. He was dressed a bit more casual today. Though his black shirt was still crisp and his slacks were the same, he looked just a little more relaxed this evening. "Did you have the day off or something?"

He smiled at her. "Well… yes I did. How did you know?"

"Well… you… you just look different I guess."

"Hmm."

Kaoru looked down into her tea and tried to hide the nervousness that was building in her chest. She and Kenshin had been meeting here at the _Aoi Take _for the past month. Every Tuesday and Thursday night, they would meet for tea and conversation. It had become something that Kaoru had begun to look forward to - being with him was something that she had begun to look forward to.

"Um… Kenshin?"

"Yes?" he watched as she nervously tapped the side of her teacup; a habit he noticed she had and made use of often.

"Well… I… I was… I have tomorrow off… tomorrow evening. And well… I wanted to know if you would like to… I don't know, hang out somewhere that's not here."

He looked at her, a bit startled and uncomfortable at the same time.

"Oh, you don't have to." She put in quickly. "I was just…"

"No, it's okay." He cut her off; "I'd be happy too." flashed a quick smile at her.

"Are you sure? You don't have to if you don't want…"

"I'd love to Kaoru-chan, that I would. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, there's a Kendo class a few blocks over. I thought that might be fun, and I really wanted to learn…"

He chuckled and she wondered if she was a fool for asking him. "Again, you really don't have to come if you don't want to. I realize that exercise is not everybody's idea of fun. It's just an idea."

Kenshin took her hands and held them in his own. "No Kaoru-chan, I'm not laughing at you. I just find it funny how much we have in common." He smiled at her. "I would love to go with you."

She couldn't keep the smile from stretching across her face. "Of course then, what time do you want to meet?"

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><p>Kaoru felt a tingle on the back of her neck. Something was wrong. She looked around the parking lot warily after giving her farewells to the hostess. What was it? Kenshin was to her left taking a phone call. No other persons were in the lot. So what was wrong?<p>

She stopped moving, concentrating on the sounds around her. There was nothing but the sound of far away traffic - car horns, motorcycles, a loud radio; nothing new, nothing strange.

"Are you ready Kaoru? Let me walk you to your car."

Startled she glanced at Kenshin, before dazedly nodding and walking to the small green car parked across the lot.

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><p>"Good! That's it! Keep going Kamiya-san!"<p>

Kenshin watched amazed. Matsuda-sensei was right. She was good. Apparently she was one of his top students and here he had thought that she was just learning. He watched as she brought her bokken down again, pushing the man she was sparring with back a few steps. Her feet were light, toes sliding across the floor with the ease of a natural fighter, a dancer. Her breathing was soft, almost soundless except for the grunts of strain as she pushed the power through her body to attack. She was new, there was no doubt about that; he could see it in the way her body sometimes swayed, showing its femininity, where there should be more control – in her shoulders as she moved to strike, in her hips when she shifted her balance. And though she snapped to position after her movements, they were weaknesses. Ones that cost her strength of attack and left her open to injury. But even as he thought of her flaws, he also saw her potential; he saw how good she was already. She was born for this. And this man was no match for her.

"Izuma! Yakuto! In!" Apparently the sensei saw it too.

The two men ran onto the mat and sprung into action. Kaoru swung, blocking her back and swiping her first opponent's legs from under him. They threw attack after attack, bearing down on her defenses, but she wouldn't fold, she kept going - throwing herself in the air kicking one of the men in his face with her back leg and launching her bokken in the next's gut and falling into a crouch. Her face was flushed and her breathing a little harder than before.

"Yoshii! Himura!"

Kenshin started and turned to look Matsuda in the eyes. He stared at him for a second and then understood. Matsuda wanted him to go easy. He would have in any case, but he could appreciate that some people were aware of the violence he could bring about.

He ran onto the mat falling a little to the side as the other man ran straight to the battle. She was now trapped, surrounded. As he walked closer he wondered what she would do. There were five of them – though some of them were worse for wear – and only one of her. 'Closer. Closer.' They started to run towards her. He watched as the man Izuma grabbed at the arm of her gi pulling the thick material away and exposing her shoulder. He had since dropped his weapon and was attacking her with his fists – a mistake he realized when she struck his forearm with a blow so hard that he screamed out loud, calling her a bitch.

He dashed in and used the momentary shock of Izuma's scream to approach with an attack. It was then that he saw her face. Saw that her eyes were glazed and that she looked more afraid than he thought anyone could in a small dojo sparring match. What was wrong? He stopped his running to actually look at her. Her breathing had turned ragged and her movements were erratic. She started to swing wildly and made an unnatural keening sound whenever one of the men came near. She looked positively feral and like she was about to break down.

Kenshin jumped in just in time to block the three hits coming toward her as she collapsed and covered her face, whimpering like a lost child.

"Stop! Stop it!" She screamed shaking her head at no one in particular.

"Stop!" Matsuda shouted at the confused men. "Kam…"

Kaoru pushed Kenshin back and crawled, scrambling from the bodies surrounding her. When she got to the edge of the mat she clumsily made a run for the doorway and before he knew it, she was gone.

"Wait Kaoru…" He glanced briefly at the Sensei before running off to see where she had gone.

He caught up to her in the locker room where she was leaning back against one of the dark wooded cubbies, her head turned up to the ceiling as if she was begging for something. Her breathing was fast, shallow and uneven and her fists were clenched together so tightly that they were bloodless and her veins were standing out.

"Kaoru…" he spoke softly, approaching her with the utmost of care. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

She didn't look at him. She only started to breathe harder, whimpering every so often in voice that he could only describe as desperate.

"Kaoru, it's me Kenshin. Listen to me. You have to tell me what's wrong."

"I… I… I can't. I can't! I have to leave. I can't stay here, I have to go. I have to go!" She was crying now.

"Kaoru, please… just take a deep breath. It's going to be all right. I'm right here for you. I won't let anyone hurt you. I won't let anything happen to you. You don't even need to tell me what's wrong, but please, just try to breathe. Just try to breathe Kaoru."

"I… I can't. I can't breathe, I can't stay here. I have to leave." There was a wildness in her eyes as she searched blindly for a way out of the locker room.

"Kaoru, look at me." He watched the erratic rise and fall of her chest, and knew that he had to get her to focus. "Kaoru LOOK. AT. ME."

She shifted her head slightly to the right and tried to focus on him, tried to calm her panicked body just enough to look at him. And when her eyes -barely blue except for the thin ring around her dilated pupils- finally locked onto his, Kenshin moved just a little closer to her.

"Kaoru. I need you to breathe. Take a deep breath. Look, watch me." He demonstrated, using his hands in tandem with the rising and falling of his own chest so that she could follow. "See?" He raised his hands again as he took another breath and pushed his hands out palms down as he exhaled.

After a while he could tell that she was making an effort. Her breathing had slowed by just a little and her small fists were -bit by bit- loosening up. "I can't… I can't…"

"Yes you can." He said firmly, but as gently as he could. He watched as she closed her eyes and leaned back against the locker, this time breathing easier. "Are you feeling a little better Kaoru? I'm still here. There's no one here but me, but I need you to talk to me. I need to know that you're okay."

"I'm… I'm okay." she said after a while. "I'm okay."

"Good. Good." He closed his eyes, let out a deep breath and rubbed his forehead. "Kaoru…"

"I have to go."

He opened his eyes again, worried. "No, Kaoru, you don't have to…"

"Kenshin, I'm fine. I really am." She sighed. "I need to go home now. I really can't go back in there."

He looked at her.

"And I really can't talk about this with you right now." She walked across the room and out the inner door. When she came back she opened her locker and took her gym bag out. "Here." She handed him the key. "Could you this this back to the front desk please?" She swiped her hand across her eyes and sniffled a little. "I'm really sorry Kenshin, I…" She couldn't look him straight in the face. "I… It just happens sometimes. I can't control it."

"Kao…"

"Iie, I can't talk about it now. I'm sorry. I just can't."

He moved to touch her and she turned abruptly.

"I'll see you later." And with that she left.

* * *

><p>"Konbanwa minna-san. I want to welcome you on this beautiful Monday evening to 95's Jingo's Session; where we talk 'Real Issues in Real Time'. I'm your host Jingo and the topic of the day is a continuation of last week's 'Health: You are What You Eat.' Today's topic is "Stay Healthy – Stay Asleep". Yamamoto-sama is back on board as our guest speaker and life guru. But Before I start, as always, I'm going to play my song of the day. Today it's a song by The Pillows, one of my favourite bands. Check it out, it's called "Nowhere" and it's from their album 'Little Busters'. Enjoy!"<p>

"Yes minna-san! We Need Sleep! I know it may be hard, especially for the average overachiever or party animal, and especially for those of us in college. I know I hardly sleep anymore, between my classes and work, I barely get enough time to change clothes, BUT we must change regardless! Aside from eating healthy, we must treat our bodies like the temples that Kami has made them to be. Rest is a part of that mold. Try for at least a full 6-8 hours a night guys. Am I right Yamamoto-san?"

"Hai, Indeed you are Jingo-san."

"Arigatou Yamamoto-sama! NOW, it's time for me to open up the airwaves guys! Feel free to call and tell me about your sleepless college experiences, or to ask out local guru here for some advice. Standard courtesies apply. Your questions must be related to the topic, and your language must stay shiny clean."

"Konnichiwa."

"Hai, you're my first caller…"

"Hai. I wanted to know from Yamamoto-sensei, how do I sleep if I keep having night terrors?"

"Sensei…" Yamamoto opened his mic.

"Well, if you are having nightmares there are a variety of ways to handle them. First, there are sleeping pills that you can take, but I always like to say that you should try to cure the problem, not just treat the symptoms. You might want to talk to someone about it, your nightmare I mean, and if you can't find anyone to talk to, someone that you trust, then maybe you should try a session or two with a therapist."

"I think I can do that… I'll try it. Arigatou Yamamoto-sensei."

"Douitashimashite! It makes me happy to help the young with their problems. Makes me feel just a bit younger myself." He gave a gruff laugh and then quieted as he watched his hostess stare off into the distance behind the cool blues of her glass window. "After all" he said softly as he continued to watch her. "there are so many lost souls out there who need our help."

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><p>Japanese:<p>

Hai, Aa – Yes

Iie – No

Gomen – Sorry

Gyokuro – A type of Japanese tea.

Aoi Take – 'Blue Bamboo' – The restaurant's name

Douitashimashite – You're Welcome

-dono – shows deep reverence. Example: Lady, Miss… etc.

San – shows respect to someone unfamiliar or older than yourself.

Sensei – respectful call for teacher or someone of importance

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><p>Hi guys! Sorry for the delays! I've been working really hard this year, it's around graduation time and I hardly find the time to eat sleep/ breathe, much less carry out my love of writing for you my readers. But I'm trying to carve some time out especially for you! Love you guys! I hope you continue to review! If I get a lot of reviews I promise to upload new chapters faster! Hey I might even start to give you guys sneak peaks! OOooooooooooo Ahhhhhhh…. Lol.

Thanks in advance guys! R&R for more!

_Bytheway_: If you're into Yugioh or even if you're not, you should check out 'The Token'. Great writer and very non-conventional when it comes to her writing and her pairings. Looking for a fresh perspective on that scene, take a look at her stuff for sure.

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><p><strong>Sneak Peak!<strong> _- You thought you had to wait for it right?_

Do I see a little KenxKao action coming up? Maybe… But I do see a little confrontation. Between who? And what? Who's that? His mother?

Stay tuned for the next chapter of Moonlighter!

Love Ya,

G&T


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